Power of Paradox – Self-Actualization

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At the start of a new year, we often take time to think about what we would like to achieve. As we try to identify what might keep us from accomplishing our goals, the concept of self-actualization becomes especially relevant.

What is self-actualization?

We commonly think of self-actualization as living up to one’s potential. The term self-actualization was coined by Kurt Goldstein and popularized by Abraham Maslow through his hierarchy of needs. “What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization” (Maslow, 1943). Self-actualization is the highest level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs:

1.      Physiological needs

2.      Safety needs

3.      Love and belonging needs

4.      Esteem needs

5.      Self-actualization needs

Self-actualization is one of the twelve paradoxes that Dr. Dan Harrison has identified to be made up of two behavioral traits that at first might seem contradictory but are in fact synergistic. Self-actualization comes from combining self-confidence with self-improvement.

In earlier posts, I’ve written about some other paradoxical traits like respectful candor (Frankness + diplomacy) and compassionate enforcing (enforcing + warmth/empathy). When both traits in a paradox are present, they become true strengths, and we no longer run into the situation where a strength overused becomes a weakness. Being able to understand and embrace these paradoxes will make you a better and more inclusive leader. For more on this, read these articles on Paradoxical Leadership and the Power of AND.

The combination of self-confidence and self-improvement creates healthy self-esteem. This healthy self-esteem is what leads to self-actualization. Let’s explore the two sides of this paradox.

What Gets in the Way of Self-Confidence?

Clients that come to me for coaching often have a self-improvement score that is higher than their self-confidence score. This makes sense, people that want coaching are those that are willing to work on themselves. For these clients, I remind them to remember to give themselves credit for all the effort that they have put in over the years to better themselves.

One of the tools I equip my clients with is Positive Intelligence. It is an operating system that increases our mental resilience and reduces self-sabotage by leveraging neuroscience and cognitive behavioral techniques to reduce negative thoughts and increase positive thoughts.

One common factor that I have seen get in the way of self-confidence is when my clients have a strong Judge. Shirzad Charmine calls the Judge the master Saboteur and all of us have this. The Judge can show up in three ways: judging ourselves, judging others, and judging situations/circumstances. When we have a strong Judge of self, we beat ourselves up and hold ourselves to such a high standard that it can unnecessarily diminish our self-esteem.

So, what can we do to counteract a strong Judge? Remember to be kind and empathetic to ourselves, not just to others. Many of us have probably heard of the Golden Rule, which comes from Jesus’ teaching in the Bible which says, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). Notice that in order to be able to love your neighbor, you first need to be able to love yourself. When you are really hard on yourself, it makes it harder to love your neighbor.

What Gets in the Way of Self-Improvement?

A fixed mindset is one common barrier to self-improvement. We have learned so much about the brain in the last 20 years that we now know the brain is elastic, and we can continue to learn throughout our lifetime. This fundamental shift in understanding of our brain should enable us to instead develop a growth mindset which is key to self-improvement. Carol Dweck is the researcher that coined these two terms and has helped us to understand the importance this mindset shift can have on both personal and professional success.

Some people may also naturally have a high level of confidence in their abilities. If you are one of these folks, consider going through a 360-degree assessment if you have not done so already. The way these assessments work is that a series of questions will be sent to several people, typically your boss or former superiors, several colleagues or peers, and several direct reports if you manage people. Their responses will be anonymous and help you increase your self-awareness, especially around areas where there may be a mismatch between how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you. If you are interested in going through a 360 degree assessment, contact Claritas Consulting & Coaching.

Self-Actualization Next Steps

One way that people choose to help them self-actualize is by working with a coach. Unlike a sports coach or consultant, a professional coach’s role is not to tell you what to do but rather to be a thinking partner and accountability partner.

The analogy I like to use is that a coach is like a personal trainer but for the mind instead of the body. A coach is not a counselor or therapist. If you tore your ACL, you would see a surgeon and then go to a personal trainer for physical therapy. If you are dealing with or recovering from trauma, you would see a psychiatrist or counselor.

I love to read and although I would never discourage someone from reading a self-improvement book, I know how limiting this approach can be. Think of all the books you have read and how much of the content you were able to apply on your own.

If you want to go further, faster, look for a coach that is right for you. Just like a doctor, there are many types of coaches out there and then you need to find one that is a good fit for you. Most coaches will offer a free consultation or call so that you can get a better idea of their coaching style. There are many different types of coaches, here are some to give you an idea of what you can look for:

1.      Life coach – like a general practitioner, they cover many aspects, both personal and professional.

2.      Career coach – helps someone as they look for a new job, transition to a new role, change careers, or work on moving up in their career. Some career coaches specialize in certain parts of this so you may want to ask.

3.      Leadership coach – focuses on developing leadership skills.

4.      Business coach – helps business owners grow and develop their business.

5.      Grief coach – look for those that have specialized training such as Grief Recovery

6.      Coaches that specialize in working with people with ADD/ADHD

To find a coach, visit Noomii.com. They have the web’s largest listings of professional coaches. Or book a free discovery call with Claritas Consulting & Coaching. If we aren’t a good fit, Gloriana would be happy to refer you to another coach that might be.

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